Saturday, May 13, 2006

President Gore


I got home from work and remembered it was Saturday Night Live's season finale. I don't watch a lot of SNL anymore but it's always fun to catch the season ender. They do pull out all the stops and often get away with things they normally wouldn't.

Now, I still have yet to get cable hooked up at my place and I doubt that I will at all. I get respectable reception of ABC so I catch Nightline sometimes. CBS is clear as a bell which is good because I'm a night owl and I happen to like Dave at least until the guests come out. For my money, however, Craig Ferguson is the funniest man on television. If you haven't caught the insane Scotsman's show at 12:35 EST you are missing out. No one can go off on a tangent like Ferguson. Unscripted sheer genius. He does rants Dennis Miller wishes he could do.

I do have a point to all of this, really.

My reception of NBC is a disaster. A fuzzy, blurry mess. So When Darryl Hammond kicked off SNL's finale as President Al Gore, I sat down to watch.

"Damn", I thought to myself squinting through the fuzz, "Hammond is always spot on with his impressions but he's really nailed Gore this time."

A light slowly dawned.

This was the man himself. Al Gore seated in the Oval Office. Or at least a damn good facsimile of the Oval Office.

Gore was a pro. Reviewing the past six peaceful years of an imaginary Democratic presidency, it was every bit as biting and wonderful as Colbert's performance a couple of weeks ago. I won't even try to do it justice, but I know Crooks and Liars will have it up any time now and I will link the hell out of it.

President Gore.

Dear God, that sounds good right now.

UPDATE : Here tis


  • At 12:12 AM, Anonymous JMF said…

    Frog marching time, finally?: Karl Rove Indicted on Charges of Perjury, Lying to Investigators. Of course, it would be much better if we could move beyond the mere hired "lackeys", and prosecute the amazingly culpable *kingpins* -- Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, and the rest of this shadey, underworld mob. (But I suppose this despicable sleazebag will suffice for the time being.) ==== "President Gore" -- a reality devoutly to be wished! Somewhere in a "parallel universe", I often think, the *actual* winner of the 2000 election did assume his rightful presidency, and rendered life blissfully "dull" in comparison to the non-stop mayhem wrought in this existence by his (and subsequently Kerry's) loathsome usurper.

  • At 12:50 AM, Anonymous JMF said…

    Another US-perpetrated atrocity, another phony attempt to deny all semblance of justice by invoking "state secrets": US, Citing State Secrets, Challenges Detainee Suit ==== Invoking the need to protect "state secrets," the Justice Department urged a federal judge on Friday to dismiss a lawsuit brought by a man whose experience came to symbolize what some have called the unaccountability of a government program that secretly ships terrorism suspects to overseas prisons. ==== Khaled el-Masri, a Kuwaiti-born German, had gone to Macedonia on vacation when he was arrested there on Dec. 31, 2003, and flown to a prison in Afghanistan, where he was held for five months before being released. ==== During his incarceration in Kabul, he has said, he was shackled, beaten and injected with drugs. United States officials have said that his case was one of mistaken identity; intelligence authorities may have confused him with an operative of Al Qaeda with a similar name. ... ==== Mr. Masri, who was not given any explanation or apology, filed a civil lawsuit seeking damages from George R. Tenet, the director of the Central Intelligence Agency at the time of his imprisonment, and the companies that were used to transport him. ==== But R. Joseph Sher, an assistant United States attorney, told Judge T. S. Ellis III on Friday that the C.I.A. was intervening in the case to invoke the so-called state secrets privilege. As a result, Mr. Sher said, "the case must be dismissed at the outset." ... ==== The state secrets privilege was generally recognized by the Supreme Court in a 1953 ruling and has mostly been used to prevent classified information from being introduced in civil suits. Only recently has the government sought to use it to stop trials altogether. ...

  • At 2:30 PM, Anonymous brian said…

    Thanks for the link, Robert.

    The big difference between Bush and past presidents is like the story about the 2 bulls sitting on the hill, a father and son.

    The son says, "Hey, dad. Look at all those cows down there. Let's run down and fuck one of them.

    The father says, "No, son. Let's walk down and fuck them all."

    In the case of Bush, it's like the son didn't listen to the father, but somehow the cows aren't doing anything. We are silently awaiting our turn to get fucked.

  • At 2:33 PM, Anonymous ML said…

    "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." -George Santayana

    Please don't take the bait: you might get gored.

    Those who praise Gore's Current TV ignore his involvement in the destruction of Newsworld International. NWI broadcast the Canadian news from the CBC, and newscasts from dozens of countries, with translations when necessary. It was carried by many satellite providers, bringing a much needed balance to America's corporate-agenda-driven news. The mighty vision of Gore wiped NWI from the map, replaced by Current TV, a product placement factory cleverly disguised as a news 'zine for young adults.

    Now Wired magazine and Vanity Fair are rebranding AlGore reinvented as environmentalist, with not one mention of the Gore family's ownership in Occidental Petroleum. But then again, most US media whore for the political elite.

    I love the part about Al and Tipper's endless vacations: flying about the globe, burning tons of fossil fuels, obsessing about global warming.

    Once again, technology to the rescue: "using the power of technology to save the world." Neat. We'll burn a bunch of fossil fuels manufacturing our new technological products to save us from burning a bunch of fossil fuels. What vision!

    Try planting a tree, riding a bike, and recycling for starters.

    Gore sure has a lot of loose ca$h to spend on all his pet projects. This sweetheart government deal with Gore'$ Occidental Petroleum must have lined those pockets: a $3.65 billion sale of the U.S. Elk Hills Naval Petroleum Reserve to Occidental, while Gore was VP. The reserve produces over 20 million barrels of oil per year. Given today's oil prices, the reserve could pay for itself in a little over 2 years (not including its natural gas production). The U.S. government sure knows how to give away billion$ to billionaire$. An especially timely giveaway, when one realizes the U.S. government is now seeking to increase its Strategic Petroleum Reserve.

    Redux: federal government sells Elk Hills for $3.65 billion to reduce the national debt. At $100 a barrel, it will pay $10 billion over 5 years if Gore's Occidental supplies all the oil to replenish the 100 million barrels withdrawn from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve. Net loss $6.35 billion. Little wonder why Social Security is on the ropes.

    What's Al's real motivation? Is he holding lots of low-lying coastal property in Florida or something?

    This is the same Al Gore who lobbied for 'Plan Colombia.' A central feature of which has been the dumping RoundUp herbicide all over hundreds of thousands of acres of Colombian rain forest. Gore couldn't even stand up for his election victory in 2000, he's not going to stand up to capitalism's war machine.

    Anyone else recall the made-up body counts in Bosnia used to justify war on Yugoslavia? At one point US media claimed a genocide there of up to one million people. All crimes of the Clinton-Gore administration, the other war-for-lies party. Only the war on Yugoslavia was successfully cloaked as an humanitarian mission. Anti-war-Gore my ass.

    Gore only opposes U.S. troops dying in Iraq. The sanctions on Iraq under Clinton/Gore killed well over 1 million Iraqis. Gore is certainly not opposed to Iraqi deaths or genocide. Much of the left went to sleep for 8 years when Clinton/Gore were elected. Yet their policies killed far more than Bush/Cheney have so far.

    If you couldn't realize the Democratic Party does not represent you when Clinton gassed his base at the Seattle WTO in 1999, or when Clinton and Gore stumped for the passage of NAFTA in 92-93, then you are condemned to repeat the mistake of voting for the party that promised in 2004 to "count every vote."

    So glad I voted Nader.

  • At 4:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I can see Al Gore now, the day of 9/11.

    As Americans are being engulfed in flames in the Twin Towers, Al Gore approaches the pulpit at the Florida school he was visiting. He then somberly addresses the nation:

    "My fellow Americans, two planes have been crashed into the World Trade Center. This attack will release an incredible amount of harmful pollutants into the air and will bring us another step closer to global warming. America will not tolerate harmful pollutants in our climate. We will find the perpetrators, and promptly offer them free nuclear powered tanks and fighter jets to use when preemptively attacking American civilians the next time. By the way, did I mention I have a Powerpoint presentation coming to theatres soon about global warming? It will feature my boring, monotonous voice along with photographs that my research team downloaded off of the Internet I invented [and yes, I already know he didn't mean that, as most people do. It is a joke.]"

    President Gore-- a truly wonderful fantasy.

  • At 5:19 PM, Blogger Robert said…

    Yes, contrast that...whatever... with War President Duuubya's behavior on 9/11. "Hmmm if I sit here long enough in this classroom reading about a goat, maybe this will all blow over".

    And then there was the incredible srategy that's become known as the "Wicked Chicken Manuever" which calls for you to fly around aimlessly for an hour or so being assured by the Vice-President that no, this won't cause Barney to be pre-empted and then go hide in a hole in the ground emerging triumphantly once all danger has passed.

    Yessir that's your....President or whatever.

  • At 5:26 PM, Blogger Robert said…

    Point well taken ML.

    I have no illusions at all about Gore.

    But I'll take him as president any day of the week and twice on Sunday over Duuuhbya.

    Or Nader.

    The sad thing is that these were our only choices.

    Know what? Scratch that. I don't know enough about Nader's policies to dismiss him.

    Enlighten me.

  • At 6:09 PM, Anonymous ML said…

    Simply put: Nader and the Green Party (they ran together once, separately another time) both consistently run on platforms that most voting Democrat would love to see the Democrats run on. They're antiwar, antimilitary, progressive on social issues, pro-civil rights, pro-choice, pro-environment. All that is needed is for American voters to show a little more political self-esteem at election time to vote for other parties than the Dem-Repub Corporate Party. Howard Dean's popular platform in 2004 was essentially lifted from Nader and the Greens in 2000, until the corporate media upped the volume on the "Dean scream" and sunk his candidacy. One of the best examples of corporate control over society's choices.

    Nader and the Greens consistently spoke out against the Clinton-Gore policies from 92-2000, specifically NAFTA, the WTO, the war on Yugoslavia, the daily bombings of Iraq in the illegally imposed "no-fly zones," in favor of the Kyoto Protocol, against the use of depleted uranium in Yugoslavia, against Plan Columbia, and much more.

    As actions speak louder than words, here are the similarities between Bush and Gore as outlined by the Green Party in 2000. Worth a reread.

    Corporate media tells us there are only two choices to vote for. True, if you accept what corporate media tells you. The Greens and Nader actually run on the platform most Americans naively expect the corporate-owned Democrats to adhere to.

    Nothing significant will change in America as long as we vote for the elite's corporate-owned candidates. I believe if people voted for what they believed in, rather than voting for who they are told is "electable," the Greens and Nader would have won decades ago. "Electable" is mediaspeak for "who you are allowed to vote for." Simply put, the democrats are a fake opposition party.

    Again: more Iraqis died under Clinton/Gore Iraq policies than under Bush/Cheney. Does that make Bush a better ruler, or the democrats more skillful at getting away with murder? The American left was asleep at the wheel when Clinton/Gore got in office: the damages to our environment, civil rights, and economy under Clinton/Gore were every bit as bad as under Bush. Did Clinton/Gore ever attempt to close the School of the Americas? No. We even had the government-facilitated Oklahoma City bombing as Clinton's 9-11.

    That Bush's evil is self-evident is not enough to make me support another politician with an arguably comparable destructive legacy.

  • At 9:43 AM, Blogger Robert said…

    Thank you Ml. I'm puting your post in my brain pan to cook for a little while. More on Nader and Gore later.

  • At 5:20 PM, Anonymous ML said…

    Feel free to share the short history lesson on Gore as you like. I only have one request: title it,

    "An Inconvenient Truth"


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